All kids must discover what it is or isn’t safe to do, and this learning curve is packed with all kinds of mishaps. A large amount of energy is spent trying to keep children out of scary situations. Yet many of the ridiculous things children do will ensure a parents jaw drops to the floor while mumbling, “I never dreamed I’d need to tell them THAT!”
So here is a list of instructions that you never thought you’d have to give your children. It’s offered in part to be a fun and amusing read, but also to raise awareness about child safety. After all, each item on this list corresponds to an actual childhood accident or injury, often times one repeated by children the world over. So without further delay, here are some things you might consider telling your kids:
1) Just wearing a cape doesn’t mean that you can fly.
2) Don’t insert a screwdriver into your eye socket and then push it into your brain.
3) No playing in the toilet please.
4) Spraying the liquid in cleaning bottles into your mouth or eyes is not a wise idea.
5) The shelves in the house are not rock climbing walls.
6) Bungee cords are not meant to be wrapped around your neck
7) Always be safe and check to see how deep the water is before you jump in.
8) Don’t push your toddler sister (who can’t swim) into the water.
9) Don’t put on Daddy’s shoes and then try to sprint around the house.
10) Washing machines and dryer insides are not safe places to play.
11) Don’t eat rat poison.
12) Do not put magnets or batteries into your mouth or try to eat them.
13) Don’t eat mushrooms you find growing outside.
14) Don’t eat strange things you find on the ground.
16) Do not put jagged metal objects into your mouth or eat them.
16) Don’t eat doggy poop, no matter how much it looks like chocolate candy. It is not.
17) In fact, don’t eat anything unless I give it to you personally and tell you to eat it.
18) Do not shoot your sister with a BB gun, no matter how much she annoys you.
19) Don’t fill your ears with rocks, sand or pebbles.
20) Don’t shove pencils, nails, or screwdrivers up your nose.
21) Don’t insert objects into your other body cavities, either.
22) Rattlesnakes are not toys to play with, and if you don’t know what kind of snake you see, don’t pick it up.
23) Mommy does not want to hold the spider that you have found, either.
24) Don’t feed your candy to the baby. He may choke.
25) Don’t play in the trunks of cars or lock yourself in any other tight air-sealed places.
26) Don’t put plastic bags over your head or climb inside dry-cleaning pouches.
27) If you have sharp objects in your hand, it’s not a good idea to run.
28) Just because it comes in bright colors, that doesn’t mean it’s good to drink.
29) Don’t ever assume that a gun you find somewhere is a toy.
30) Do not throw heavy items over the balcony in your house or from any other high place, even if your friend says he is ready to catch it.
We hope that you enjoyed this list of things that you never believed that you would have to tell your kids. Over the next few days and weeks, you might want to pick a few of the items to go over with your child. If you assume that they already know these things, you might just be one of those parents who finds out the hard way that they did not.
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